Yeah, I use to go clubbing. What are you gonna do about it? And yeah, sometimes I would consume beverages that would impair my judgement at said clubs. This may or may not have been a factor in the events which were to follow, honestly it was so long ago I can’t remember. I also use to be under the impression that you could get out on a dance floor and not get humped by a dude (sidenote, they always seemed surprise when I would elbow them in the gut, dude! I was surprised you thought it was ok to come into my personal space!). That is why I decided to leave the club one fall night in Auckland.
I think it’s common knowledge that given the option of climbing something or not climbing something, the only chance of finding me on the ground is if I have fallen from climbing said thing. So, imagine my excitement when, low and behold, I gazed upon an emergency escape ladder just down the street from the club. If I just jumped off of the window sill I could probably get the bottom rung. Noticing the sign for Chubbs security system, I thought to myself, “if I keep and eye out, I can probably avoid setting off any alarms.” My friend Marie, who had ditched the club with me, was probably simultaneously thinking, “oh no, not again.”
After I got to the stairs part, I noticed a sensor which looked like it would set off an alarm. Cleverly avoiding the sensor by hopping the handrails to the next flight of stairs, I made a mental note to remember that on the way down. The stairs terminated their ascent prior to reaching the roof and I awkwardly ended up with a great view of someone’s living room… thankfully they didn’t notice. Heading down, I thought to myself, “remember the alarm.”
Well, I did not remember the alarm… until I heard it. Quickly swinging down from the last rung, my feet hit and thankfully did not shatter the store front window. I took off around the corner after Marie who had reasonably bailed once the alarm went off. On the way, I hastily assured some bystanders I had just gone for a recreational climb. Once I caught up with her, I removed my outer layer of clothing and proceed to calmly walk back to our apartment complex.
And that my friends, is how you do not get deported from a foreign country!
for my friends who are moms 